Changes

So much has changed, and yet everything is still the same.

I haven't used a stick now for 2 1/2 weeks :oD  I'm still wobbly when I'm tired and I need to still have one with me just in case.  Except the other day when I could've done with one, I didn't have one. 

I met TBO's parents.  They're lovely.  Having met them, and spent over 24 hours in their company, loads about TBO makes more sense. 

Boo has passed her driving test. 

And the best bit?  I'm engaged.  We're planning on September 2012 and I'm dragging TBO round venues like there's no tomorrow.  Because I want to get married on a Saturday, I want to get the venue booked NOW so I can then relax for a bit and enjoy being engaged.  I don't want to have to be rushing round like an idiot next year and end up taking somewhere I don't totally LOVE just because it's available.

But nothing really has changed. 

I'm still so tired.  Just getting out of bed and going for a wee knackers me so much that I can't think about dressing properly.  Most days I've just thrown something on so that I don't scare the neighbours. 

I'm still in pain.  Yes, it's definitely gone down since I stopped working, but it's most definitely still there.  And I can't contemplate NOT taking tramadol, but sometimes I'm able to skip a dose.  Most of the time, I'm counting the hours until it's pill o'clock.

I'm still not sleeping properly.  Insomnia is not fun.  Especially when I know that I'll suffer for days afterwards. 

Everything still takes so much energy.  And I'm realising just how little I have to spare for emotional stuff, or how much properly *thinking* takes it out of me. 

I mean, I've had my first bath today in two weeks.  I just haven't been able to spare the spoons.  I really could've done without it today, but I was starting to scare the kittehs and my hair was almost doing a "Flock of Seagulls" all on its own.  And the other night I was actually too tired to eat. 

And those who know me know how odd that is.  I mean, I did eat in the end.  But only after a few hysterics after TBO had tried to "aeroplane" the food to me. 

I've got to look to the future though.  In 16 months' time, if all goes to plan, I'll be Mrs TBO.  And that is something that I will use every single fibre of my being, every spoon I have, every...everything to make him as happy as he makes me.