Two for the price of one

OK, so I haven't blogged for ages and today I've got loads to say.

It's another one about me being scared.  But this time I'm scared about my health.

I'm falling more often.  I'm using two sticks at a time (I should rename the blog and/or the stick(s) - they're still all called Martha and one of them is definitely not called Martha) and still falling.  I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stand up and sit down.  I'm taking all my meds when I'm meant to and pain has still never fallen below a 3/10 (pain scale) and is still peaking at 9/10.  I'm not sleeping properly.  I can't concentrate.  I'm getting spasms (I always had twitchy legs when I was tired - but I used to have to be supertired to have them) lots more.  I'm much less tolerant of everything and am so snappy and irritable. 

I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on like this. 

I'm not sure how Boo and TBO would react if they actually knew how bad it is. 

I want to cry in pain every time I get dressed.  Socks are the bane of my life.  And I'm a sockaholic. 

By the time I walk to the loo from bed, I'm so knackered, I'm glad it's somewhere I have to sit down. 

I can't lift heavy pots and pans any more.  I'm scared I'm going to fall over whenever I cook and end up injuring myself or one of the kittehs. 

When I lie down in bed at night, there's no relief.  Different joints scream at me, depending on which way I'm laying. 

I'm scared that if I carry on, I'm going to hurt myself more.  I'm scared that if I stop, I'm not going to be able to start again.

So what do I do?