Anyway.
Had appointment with ME Consultant this morning, to reassess pain and painkillers etc. Managed to get a parking space in the NEAR car park. Only took me 20 mins to walk to ward where appointment was. It's about 100m. Oh well, tis better than the FAR car park (about 1/2 a mile). Was a v productive meeting. I even came out with an extra diagnosis...it is now confirmed that I have fibromyalgia as well as the CFS/ME. So now I have:
- CFS/ME
- Fibromyalgia
- Bipolar (hormonally affected)
- Asthma
- Migraines (stress or hormonally affected)
- "some" joint hypermobility
Just give me a fucking medical encyclopedia and be done with it, OK.
She's going to discuss painkilling options with the rest of the team to get a holistic view and then send me and GP a letter with them in. She said I need to rest more, and do less. Which, bearing in mind I don't do much other than work, she confirmed as I need to look into working less.
I know I do, I just really actually like my job*
And then I had to go to work. Traffic was hideous, just because it was raining all the cycle mafia (who usually shout at me for being in my car) were obviously driving, because the roads have been screwed all day.
Got to work, started on the project that I was allocated before Christmas but couldn't manage doing because of lack of spoons. Did the first bit last week, now was doing the "tweaking" which was taking longer and more thinking than I wanted it to. Oh well.
I've previously told HR on multiple occasions that I'm not well enough, able or willing to work for The Alcoholic Partner. Just thinking about having to be his secretary makes me so stressed, and stress makes me hurt.
So today I was doing the tweaking, and TAP came over to get me to do something. I was uber-polite and told him I couldn't do what he wanted. To say the toys came out of the pram is an understatement. He said that everything he's asked me to do I'm either too busy (well, duh) or not there (well, I can't help that, can I?). I tried to explain what I was doing, and he said that his stuff took priority because I was there to provide seccy assistance to him and the other two lawyers. I said I wasn't, I'd told HR I couldn't and wouldn't and wasn't able to.
He started stropping and then walked away (to phone HR, I discovered later). I sat there trying to stop myself crying and composed an email to HR (which I blind copied to Boo, for safe keeping!).
HR came back over two hours later, I phoned them back, and they basically said that they'd read my email and that there was nothing they could do, I had to basically suck it up, the alternative I'd suggested was "not envisaged in the secretarial plan" so basically I could like it or lump it.
I'm meeting with them on Thursday to update them from my hospital appointment, and to discuss this situation. But all I want to do is never go back again. I want to take time for me and get better.
Why am I struggling on, causing myself more pain and more stress etc when they're just being arseholes to me? It's not as if they appreciate anything that I do? I can do more in a 60% week (and only working at 50% capacity when I'm there) than anyone else - but does that matter?
No.
All that matters to them is that I'm AWKWARD. I've been described as a "heartsink".
Oh well.
Just pay me off then. I'll sign the Compromise Agreement. I won't sue you for repeated disability discrimination. I'll go nicely.
But will they do that? Or will I have to fight every single step of the way...
I wonder...
*well, until today that is.
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